the web of deception I

lies, lies, and more lies...

everybody tells them, some people specialize, a few have even made it a career. there are as many excuses reasons for telling them as there are women who "usually don't do this" but that's a whole 'nother convo...

its hard to quantify the hurt that lies both cause and prevent, impossible to tell how much harm they've both done and saved. i'm not here to debate the merits of lying. MY question is this:

what is the proper etiquette or decorum as it pertains to the web of deception... more succinctly stated: what are the rules of the game???

scenario #1: my girl knows that my homeboy is a lyin, cheatin, son of a... it was all cool when we were just dating but as she becomes more long-term she meets and even starts to develop a relationship with his wife... what, if anything, is her obligation to wifey??? what rules, if any, have i already broken by allowing her to witness my homies trife??? how safe/comfortable should my homie be with my girl around his wife understanding that she has this "privileged" info???

...more to come

keeping it kinda real...

back from my superbowl sabbatical with a question... prompted by a conversation i recently had with a young lady...

THE SETUP

its reasonable to assume that while actively single, there are a couple of, if not several, people with whom we maintain some form of regular sex communication with. whether its a burgeoning relationship or just a friends with benefits type of arrangement, the "stable" is basically our group of people who we "kick it" with or "date"...

then an "other" begins to emerge as quite potentially a "significant other"... or better yet u meet a stranger and they are interesting enough to try the whole relationship thing with...

THE QUESTION

is it reasonable to expect that it may take some time to phase out the quasi-relationships based on how often we communicated with said stable members. keep it mind that this phasing out will likely entail lying to the new star player about the true nature of our "single" status...

is it more reasonable to expect tha any and all "inappropriate" conversations and dealing be put to an immediate end in deference to the possibility of a "real" relationship

BRING IT HOME

is it alright to "lie" to you while i handle my business on these other fronts or should i take the chance that you're the crazy rare chick who wants to know that i have a few things going but that i'm willing to slow down stop so WE can have a legitimate shot???

cheaters never win???

there's a good chance that this will be the last qualifier i put in a post 'cause if you feel personally offended by something i say, i accept your apology since its prolly something you need to hear. if you think i'm wrong, you're very much entitiled to your opinion... start a blog and write about it, but do understand that i'm telling you what i've seen and done, not just once or twice but time after time after... you get the picture. if you disagree, please take advantage of the space below (comments) to let me know. if u agree, i'd like to know that as well... whew!!! (woo-sah), (relax, relate, release), (beathe, stretch, shake, let it go)... lol

cheating (read: the other woman) has SAVED many a relationship

there comes a point in every most relationships where things go awry; whether it be that the sex has become boring, you're tired of having the same conversation/argument over and over again, ur s.o. is no longer sufficiently attentive, you're tired of overlooking the fact that her head game sucks his dick is vienna-like (move to strike), ya'll are broke and they aren't doing enough about it, he's jealous, she's insecure, ... literally a million different things that could be wrong...

if it were a basketball game, the coach would call a timeout, bring the team over and chew their asses out, but alas, there are no timeouts in relationships... supposedly. you can't really say on a thursday night that "i need a break for a few days, i'll call u on monday" and expect not to have to answer a billion and one questions at the time and again when u get back (if the locks aren't changed). enter, for the sake of argument, let's just call her keisha. i work with her, i used to bang her back in the day, i met her at the club one night when i was a lil more than tipsy, she lives across the street, she's your homegirl and she knows FROM YOU that i know how to work the tongue/dick, she works the drive-thru at the local starbucks, doesn't matter who she is and how i met her... fact is, we're hooking up on a regular basis, as regular as i can make it without your ass getting all super-suspicious...

.................fast-forward................

by the time i've had my fun and keisha is no longer around, i'm better able to deal with you and your "stuff". my batteries have been re-charged, i found the attention i was craving and the itch has been adequately scratched, i thought she was pregnant and realized that i didn't really wanna risk losing what i had at home, she was crazy too and i'd just rather deal with your craziness than some whole new form of crazy... point is, i still love you and i have a different perspective on our issues, or at least i feel better equipped to tackle them. the fact that you only want sex a couple of times a month isn't as much an issue cause i've been getting served regularly for a while and could use a break.

the bottom line is... we're still together and i'm quite sure that had i not "called a timeout" i wouldn't have been able to deal so in essence, you owe keisha...

now what i won't cover here is the fact that i may be no good in the first place, even if i wasn't a cheater but definitely not now that i am... maybe some other time

was aretha thinking "i'm gonna kill 'em with this one" when she saw that hat in the store???

Public Service Announcement

...allow me to re-introduce myself my name is... (word up Jigga)

it's championship sunday and around these parts that means that football is the order of the day. don't get me wrong, i'm still a lil salty behind the fact that my falcons looked like shit lost in the 1st round, but the nfl is the nfl and i'm there... which brings me to today's topic...

Sorry boo boo, it ain't you

my thing is football. the guy ur playing naked twister seeing may fancy basketball, or hockey, or cowboy movies, or Real Chance at Love, or re-runs of Oz, or the twice daily occasional "crucial" game of Madden '09... if ur dude is gay sensitive it may be sex and the city or queer eye or something equally gay ummm, well-written... whatever it is, when it's time for it, it's time for you to suck it up and leave me the hell alone...

Now is not the time for you to have something that we "need to talk about", nor is it time for us to spend quality time or anything that means that i'm not watching the game complete uninterrupted. don't call me (feel free to text but don't expect a response until halftime), don't come sit by me and ask a a bunch of questions, don't even sa-shay in front of the television wearing nothing but manola blaniks and a smile... CORRECTION: do do that, but know that you are only interrupting this program to bring me "a coke and a smile" and that in a few minutes the original rules again take precedent...

like jermaine jackson once said, don't take it personal... i'm not feeling you any less, i'm not intentionally being an asshole. i'm just a fan (short for fanatic). feel free to hang out w/ ur other naked twister partner/s friends, or go spend some money, or watch a movie, or heaven forbid cook something, or go outside and fly a kite, take up needlepoint and make a blanket, go thru some old pictures and make a scrapbook, have a sister circle meeting at the local starbucks, get a tattoo, take a nap, go to the gym... i really don't care. at that moment in time football, and specifically for me the Falcon's game, is the most important thing happening in the world. So...

is there something that YOU do for which you would rather not be interrupted. is there some activity or event for which even I , in all my sexiness, charm, and wit won't be able to pull you away???... and where is the beef???

Get Over It???

...these accounts are real. in some cases the names and identities of particular persons and places have been changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty...

i've been on the scene for the better part of two years now. during that time i've seen a lot of things and met a lot of people of the feminine persuasion... correction: forget all that persuasion stuff, they were REAL women (just in case ur mind was wondering into some weird buckheadian zone... "not that there's anything wrong with that"). i don't know what the true ratio of single women to single men is, but i do know that it is a completely different ratio than that of "eligible" women to men...

what i'll venture to do in the space below is tackle a couple of subjects by giving both our perspective and what we think about women's perspective

***DISCLAIMER***
i DO NOT speak for all men, nor in most cases do i even speak for myself. what i do umm... do is share what i've experienced to be the opinions of all most of us

1) I'M MARRIED

i, more often than not, see the fact that i'm married as an inconvenience made necessary by your refusal to shut up and settle for s.o. status. that tenuous (at best) commitment is easily cast aside at the sight of a nice ass in a sundress proverbial brickhouse. i am NOT sorry unless and until i get caught, and even then my remorse is directly proportional to your ability to make me understand that you are not the one that will be cheated on

ya'll, waaaay more often than not, will pay lip service to the idea of never messing with a married man, only to eventually pay lip service and tongue and hopefully not teeth to my married "man"... what i mean is that much like a small drip will eventually carve a hole in a mountain, the persistence of my married brethren with their incessant compliments and advances will eventually crack the wall you worked so tirelessly to erect. once cracked, it's simply a matter of time until the whole thing comes crashing down, along with your panties

2) I'M BROKE

whether it's because life has truly dealt me a string of bad hands made more likely by the fact that i'm a black man in america, or simply by virtue of the fact that i'm basically a lazy @ss bastard who refuses to hold down a job that requires me to show up more than twice a week with weekends off, being broke severely limits the "quality" of woman i aspire to meet. because of the ridiculous ratio of vajayjay to manmeat, its just good math to expect that somebody will foot the bill for my sorry ass me, but she is more a renewable resource than a permanent partner

depends on the woman... some of ya'll hold steadfast to no pay, no lay... no finance, no romance politics... others are more flexible and willing to "work with" us, only to eventually grow tired and frustrated by my brok-osity... while still others come into a situation fully expecting, and fully willing to open up their purse, house, legs, and mouth to the next thing with a six pack and a bald head that says hi

**bonus info**: i'm 49 years old, shouldn't i have met at least some of my "potential" by now?

3) I'M A HOE

a common garden tool, a virtual punani predator that goes to and fro, seeking whom i may devour. it's not because i'm a bad man. i'm a good man. i'm just doing what comes natural to me, what feels right. my daddy did it. my homeys do it. i'm gonna do it. get over it. your best bet is to subscribe to the whole "ignorance is bliss" notion, turn a blind eye and a deaf ear, and continue to think that your the one in your crew not being cheated on (smh)

doesn't matter what u'd think, because you're not gonna know. i'll spend enough time and energy making sure that i cover my tracks sufficiently for you to still feel like number one, if not the only one... or maybe you're the girl who does know because you heard about me, and that curiosity is enough for you to throw caution to the wind, if only for one night (r.i.p. Luther). if i can have tracey acting like that, hat must i be working with???

with all of that said, isn't it fair to think that if women became less tolerant, then we would forced as a gender across the board to step up to the plate and bring more to the table than a dick and a bag of skittles... is it fairer to think that women who refuse to settle for less invariably end up with nothing/nobody at all. the hole thing makes my head hurt... and how many licks DOES it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop

2009 New Year's Spirit Award III

Thanks (meant in all sincerity) to Trinity who somehow deemed it appropriate to bestow such an honor upon me. She is truly the quintessential example of the strong, modern Black woman in America??? That said, I graciously accept the award and agree to the terms specified within...

Here are the rules for accepting the award:
1. You must be a true lover of the New Year to receive this award. The person to whom you give the award must also be in love with the New Year.

2. List 5 things that you love about the New Year. If you can't limit it to 5 things, then keep going till you run out of space.

3. Pass the award along to as many people as you like. That can be 1 or 50. It's up to you! But keep the New Year cheer going.

4. Let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving a comment on their site. Also, link back to the person who gave you the award.

*********************************************************************************

5 things I love about 2009
1. yet another opportunity to start better habits and stop bad ones
2. i'll positively influence and impact a few more lives (shout out Tim "Ben" Thomas)
3. i'll explore (further) the dating scene in Atlanta
4. blessings and favor... increase
5. i'll interact with similarly bored intelligent people via this BlogSpot

...and since i'm very much new to the blogging communty, i'm passing the buck back to Trinity so that she might elect yet another victim worthy soul