it's just about the kids...

Mokenstef had one hit, but they used that 15 minutes to say a mouthful: "...went out on a date, wasn't out too late. took you to a room and you gave it up too soon. played you like a trick, 'cuz you let him hit. now he's coming home to a lover that is strong"

there was a time in my life when i would've said that the loser in this scenario was the narrator, in this case the wife / girlfriend / bottom babe; at home knowing that her man is out entertaining another female and having the nerve to say that still her husband belonged to her. add to that the nerve of taking her angst out on the other woman, singing about it even... but o contraire mon fraire...

the following is a mini rant inspired by the recent knuckleheadedness of a close and personal friend. the ideas expressed here in every way reflect the thoughts and feelings of the author...

the other woman is the biggest loser, and not in a way that earns you a spot on the hit tv show and your own Subway commercial:

-she knows better

-she lies to him in her "understanding" his situation

-she lies to herself in her thought that she is special in his life (for more than a season)

-she's blocking her own blessing, whether that be a man or just a better life

-she cheapens and demeans herself, with her ultimate value being in the fact that she will spread her legs and/or lips regularly enough to stay on the team - sidenote: if you don't believe me, try taking sexual activities off of the table as a sidepiece

-she looks every bit the part of sidepiece to everybody who knows, ultimately becoming "that chick"

-he's still going home to, paying bills with, and looking out for the happiness and safety of wifey

game recognizes game, right... wake up!!!

"In A Relationship" ...or nah???

there's an ease in writing these words because they in no way mirror my present "tense". i lead with this disclaimer of sorts, not because my previous situations had me tied up, but more because waaay too many of us are falling victim to our own mixtures of stubbornness, ignorance, and deceit.

by "us", i mean the vast population of  "grown and sexy" yet somehow still single "catches" roaming the face of the city. by "single", i mean not married. having a husband/wife includes a sense of accountability and responsibility not present in girlfriend, boyfriend, boo thang, babymama, s/o arrangements.

THE CULPRIT

Facebook: the king of all social media. where people who may have 4 or 5 people in their "circle" call HUGE numbers of people (sometimes into the thousands) "friends"... the relative newness of it all and the atmosphere is has become is, at it's worst, a high school like (not a compliment) clusterf@#k of fakeness, subliminal insults, bragging, complaining, fronting, etc... there are definitely some shaky uses of Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and other sites,but FB is king ...in the interest of fairness, FB can also be a very positive source of information, re-acquaintance, debate, photo sharing, advertising, and just generally networking, whether for personal or professional gain

THE PROBLEM

women see a lot of value in how their relationship looks to other people, especially other women. a date recap, those pics at the park, the tagged "shout-out", that intentionally vague "i'm so happy right now" status update, and the ultimate relationship status update; all designed to update their "world" on their progress. it's the same feeling that drives the "what did you do for" Valentine's Day, your birthday, the weekend conversations. nothing feels better than having a romantic story to tell, or receiving that bouquet of flowers at the job, or wearing that smile that her "man" put on her face bright enough to make the girls envious

men don't do that. to women, that automatically means that they are being "hidden", whether it be out of some kind of shame or just the fact that they want other women to see them as single and available... and for some men, that may be true, lol... BUT, lemme share why i don't live out my relationship online...

the people that i love and truly wish me well are in my cell phone, easily reached via text, assuming that i don't already see them regularly. i couldn't care less about my "virtual" image when it comes to my relationship, job, health, and possessions. nor do i think that social media is the place to play out arguments, disappointments, failures. my next big relationship proclamation will be that "i'm engaged", and i sooooo look forward to that day. until then, if you don't know what's up with me, it's prolly because you don't need to... in the nicest way possible :-)  

THE SOLUTION

to be continued... one day soon i hope to be married!!!

Sometimes I Cry

"a baby's gonna cry when there's a need. but a man won't cry even when his heart starts to bleed. he'll travel on a long and empty road, until he finds out; he can't do it alone" - Tony Terry

i'm a man. i was raised and socialized like many men to hide my emotions, "man up" so to speak. thusly, i didn't discover until i was well into adulthood how therapeutic a good cry is. now let's not get it twisted, i'm not scheduling a waterworks for every 3rd Monday of the month, but i am allowing myself to go ahead and get it in when the feeling hits me, like when i watch the movie John Q, or i have to sing a song 

whose message really resonates down deep, or i pull a grey hair out of my nose

which brings me to a few nights ago, and that bleeding heart that TonyTerry talked about in his 1994 song "When A Man Cries" took up residence in me, at 3am no less... what was going on? a better question might be what wasn't going on, but i digress. what i will offer is that is was one of my better tear times, and i'm enjoying the peace and clarity that it helped bring.

in other news; the next 2(two) Valentine's Days are on Saturday and Sunday respectively../. seed:planted

That's What Friends Are For

"...you see i've grown a lot smarter now. sometimes you have to choose and then u'll see, if your friend is true they'll be there with you thru the thick and thin" - Tionne 'TBoz' Watkins

i met a friend in 1995. by January 1996, we were best friends. i could go into explicit detail as to how complete strangers came to be good friends amid a flurry of activity that included a boy band, a paranoid schizophrenic bodybuilder from the country, hotel receipts, a closet, and a chance encounter with a "long lost" cousin, (and some day i might), but i'd get so lost in that story that this blog entry might never see the light of day

did i mention that the bff is a girl. perhaps i should've led with that fact. not that it changes who we are at all, but more because it has shaped and defined our interactions for the past however many years. we don't always talk a lot. i very rarely see her. deep conversations are few are far between. and never have i thought of her as anything less than my best friend. obviously, we've made concessions for the love interests in our lives, attempting to make them understand the nature of our relationship in the most non-threatening way possible, and consequently adjusting how and how often we interact

alright i'll get to the point (about friggin' time right?)

she's had a hard time lately, a bit of a crisis if you choose to look at it that way. i've been supportive, downplaying my concern, asking hard questions, and generally trying to "be there". so, fast forward a bit; i was at my mom's house, which is not far from her job recently. she called,obviously downplaying how hard a day she was having. 15min and she comes by, exchanges niceties with mom, turns to me with not one ounce of hurt or pain on her face and says "you're fat"... and we spend the next few minutes, the only few minutes we've spent in over a year, talking about what needs to happen for me to get back in shape... what the (expletive) happened to me being there for her. now she was in full "save your life because you'll die" helping ME mode. script, flipped. and she was being soooo very sincere...

...and i appreciate and love her for it. message: received

Successfully Turning the Page

"...this is my sorry for 2004; and i ain't gonna mess up no more. This year, i'mma take this one chance, and make it real clear..." -Ruben Studdard 

big Rube won American Idol, and rightfully so. all of that Clay Aiken Nation hoopla was lost on me. what he wanted to lose, however, (other than about 150 lbs.) was the memory of the year passed; a chance to leave the past in the past and move on to bigger and better things...

i'm sure there are some things about 2004 that i'm sorry for as well, but i don't remember what they are, seeing as how this is now 2014. that being the case, let's get on with it...

BUT FIRST A LOOK BACK

2013 saw lessons learned; personally i learned what i will, and perhaps more importantly, what i won't give up about myself for the sake of relationship. professionally i saw my time in government come to an end, giving way to more unconventional means. spiritually the "call" to step up and out became increasingly clear. emotionally the highs and lows of life served to make me stronger, evidenced by the fact that i'm still standing, still strong... my small circle remains intact (shout out to my siblings, 'Meka, Steve, and 'Rhonda). me and my ex-wife continue to have the privilege of co-parenting the best 3 kids ever, even as the oldest started driving and working (i'm getting old)

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF

i refuse to sit on my hands in 2014. i will take intentional care of my time and my body. i will do things that i haven't previously done. i will have uncomfortable conversations on the chance that they lead to big things. i'll read more, write more, play more, and play more. i'll assert my influence in different arenas. it'll be the best year of my life... on purpose!!!